Thursday, March 12, 2009

Introducing the Obama Scan Index (OSI)

The OSI is introduced to help track of the mood of the President. As he does not appear to be voicing his own words, the OSI may be a valuable metric to determine if he is happy, angry, excited, or sad. Should any government agency deem this to be worthy of stimulus funding, feel free to contact us by leaving a comment below.

The OSI is determined by counting the number of teleprompter shifts (‘teleshifts’), between teleprompters, by a speaker. The index is unitless, and determined by the number of teleshifts in one minute. The OSI shall not consider time expended during applause. This time can be disposed of as deemed appropriate by the analyst.

This is an OSI analysis of today’s talk at the Defense University

Minute 1:30 is not included as it is fractional: 11
1:31; 17
1:32; 14
1:33; 15
1:34; 16
1:35; 15
1:36; 13A*
1:37; 16
1:38; 20
1:39; 17
Minute 1:40 is not included as it is fractional: 12

* ‘A’ denotes applause

Analysis: Minute 1:36 is ignored as the length of the applause length is unknown. OSI averaged 16.25, with a standard deviation of:

((0.75 + 2.25 + 1.25 + 0.25 + 1.25 + 0.25 + 3.75 + 0.75)/8)^0.5 = 1.15

Observation: Obama appeared unemotional throughout the speech. He introduced a new term, the ‘Enlisted Civilian’, which was not explained, but could perhaps refer to his Universal Volunteer program.

He made reference to Lincoln embracing equality, and we have to call him on this, reference section 315 specifically and the document as a whole in general. We do not understand Obama’s obsession with Abraham Lincoln.

No comments: