Wednesday, June 4, 2008

"Community Organizer" Part 1

Jefferson is a fictional town. This is a fictional blog.

Good morning and welcome to Jefferson Security Team training. Experts believe that the collapse we witnessed two days ago will result in a potentially prolonged period of instability. Local officials are concerned about the possibility of roaming bands of looters. We are a purely defensive organization, sanctioned by the Madison Police Department, that exists to encourage these bands, if they exist, to choose to avoid Jefferson.

Here is a map of Jefferson. We have established security check points here, here, here, and here, at every entrance to our community. Madison has agreed to temporarily abandon it’s public right away through Jefferson so we are, for now, a private gated community. Outsiders wishing to pass through Jefferson shall be directed to this detour. All exceptions shall be approved by the Chairman.

We know of no immediate threat to Jefferson. But we recognize that there is danger. The men manning the security gates shall be called Sentinels. Should a Sentinal encounter a situation that he deems threatening, the distress signal is this [bang bang bang]. Three shots of a shotgun. Upon hearing the distress signal, you shall arm yourselves and come to the assistance of the distressed Sentinel.

To maximize our effectiveness, we need to group ourselves according to our firearms. I’d like those armed with single-action rifles, such as bolt action or level action rifles by the elm tree. Those with semi-automatic rifles please gather in front of the bush, and those with shotguns, please gather in front of this maple. Those without a long gun, please gather behind me.

I have three rifles that I am willing to lend my neighbors until stability is restored. Does anyone else have spare rifles or shotguns that they would be willing to lend their neighbors until stability is restored? I thank you all for your generosity. People who need a weapon, please get with someone who is willing to share. Then gather with the appropriate group. Shotguns by the maple, single action rifles by the elm, and semi-auto rifles by the bush.

It is time for a break. Please return to your homes, gather your firearms, make sure they are UNLOADED and POINTED AT THE GROUND, and meet back here at 0930. If anyone is unfamiliar with how to check that a weapon is unloaded, please see me now.

Switching back to reality update.

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