Sunday, August 3, 2008

Reading List


You referred to me with a link. At first, I was worried that I had had too many beers and said something bad. Then I opened your link and it referred to a pimply-faced kid. I don’t want to go out as a pimply-faced kid. I won’t let Hilzoy do that to me.

Hilzoy is the lady who called me sexually deprived and then banished me for referring to Phil’s alias. I am in my late thirties. As I stood in line at the grocery store with my chicken, broccoli, carrots, and bottle of $3 Cabernet four days ago, I was sexually solicited by the twenty-some lady behind me with three twenty-four ounce beers. As the proud father of a growing family, I passed. Come over for a pizza if you want to judge me. Enough about that.

I earned three rows of ribbons, having had the experience of looking down the barrel of a Muslim gun, and then resigned my commission to start a business in my garage because I wanted to be a businessman. Almost lost the house. Then did good. Now I’ve got time to talk to you. Money and experiences. My richest experience was ‘X’.

‘X’ had been fired from McDonalds. X’s former manager was a lesbian who had come to me for a job some months before. X and me smoked cigarettes together. Starting a business is hard. X quit the habit before I did. X, the McDonalds failure, spent a year with me, and did good. He got inspired and went to school, ending up as a pilot for a Senator.

I ran into X at the Las Vegas airport some Christmases ago, who was not supposed to be wearing a commercial pilot’s uniform in his late twenties. A powerful Client had a son who was trying to become a pilot and he told me that X was not supposed to be wearing a commercial pilot’s uniform in his late twenties. That was too young. I am proud of that.

X’s former lesbian boss gave me funny hugs. She wore shirts that exposed her nipples, which were nice. Really, really nice. I was dating the current mother of my children at the time and did not go there. In retrospect, there is value in not giving in to temptation. And I don’t buy the biology argument.

You may be an ‘X’, MeDrewNotYou, probably not, but maybe. He was twenty and I judge you to be around there as well. Purdue is a good school so you are not an idiot. So here is your assignment for the summer. You are to read two books.

The first book is Orwell’s Animal Farm. You are to compare it to what you have observed here. Hilzoy is Napoleon. The other headliners are the pigs. I am Snowball the pig. Phil is a bird. That’s how I see it anyway. I want you to read the book and make your own judgments. What the people who have banished me do not understand is that Mr. Jones never leaves and free speech should be protected. We are only pigs. Men eat bacon.

The second book you are to read is the Federalist Papers. I just want you to read them. If you read them and reflect upon them as your life progresses, you will be a better person for it.

That and read my blog. This week is FOX News week.

That is all.

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