Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The War on Terror

Ivy League Civil Servants Wage War on Bad Guys

Al Qaeda in Iraq (bad guys) are now in Iraq and are associated with Al Qaeda (really bad guys) who are taking orders from Bin Laden (the baddest guy of all). Ninety percent of new infrastructure built for the Iraqis (good guys) lies in disrepair because of the extremists (bad guys). The Iraqis (good guys) are expressing their appreciation for the sacrifices the American people (cows to be milked) have made by establishing a human smuggling ring to bring large numbers of Middle Easterners (moms and dads seeking a better life) into the American southwest.

Al Qaeda (really bad guys) are holed up in northern Pakistan (our friend and ally) and sheltered by tribal groups (some bad guys but mostly women and children, who can’t be bad guys). Musharraf (good guy) is battling to keep his power in the midst of Pakistanis (see above) while he proceeds to bring on line a new nuclear reactor that will produce enough fuel to create fifty new fission weapons each year.

Hamas (bad guys) are kept in check by sending the better part of a billion dollars annually in food, housing, education, and medical benefits for their rapidly expanding population. Despite this Hamas (bad guys) waged war on Fatah (good guys) and took all of the weapons that Condi sent them. Tens of millions of dollars of additional weapons are being sent to Fatah (good guys) so that Hamas (bad guys) don’t take them.

Ahmedinejad (bad guy) moves closer to his nuclear ambitions and threatens to wipe Israel (cause of Middle East problems) off the map. Ahmedinejad (bad guy) sends engineered weapons into Iraq (good guys) in order to kill Western forces. The Iranian people (good guys) are unwilling or unable to object to Ahmedinejad (bad guy). They are waiting for us to stand up against their Persian/Islamic heritage and will then welcome us with open arms.

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